Is your relationship on the rocks?

Relationship conflict.  Fights.  Arguments.  Disagreements.  We've all had them, right?  

Relationship conflict is normal and natural.  When you enter into a relationship with another person you enter into that relationship as two individuals.  As similar as you may be you are two different people with different backgrounds, different experiences, different opinions, different thoughts and feelings, and different needs and wants. It's inevitable that at some point you are going to run into conflict.  And that's ok.  It's not conflict that's the problem; it's how you 'do' conflict and whether or not you actually resolve the conflict that gets couples into troubled waters.

While relationship conflict can occur for a multitude of reasons, common topics of tension include money, housework, how to discipline children, issues relating to extended family and physical intimacy.  As long as couples can identify areas of difference and communicate and negotiate with each other around these issues conflict can be resolved.  Sometimes however conflicts never get resolved and couples get 'stuck' having the same arguments again, and again and again.  When this happens this is called relationship gridlock.  

If you find yourself in this 'gridlock' pattern of conflict you are not alone.  Research suggests that 69% of what couples fight about will never get resolved!  Sixty-nine percent - that's a whole lot of unresolved conflict!  But there is some good news here.  Firstly if you are in this type of gridlock your relationship isn't doomed.  Gridlock over issues is very common and it doesn't mean that the relationship has to be over.  Secondly recognising and taking on this important fact actually helps you as a couple to move past the gridlock.  By acknowledging that you will probably never completely resolve it you open up a space to look at different strategies to work around it.  

Relationships are an important part of our wellbeing.  If you are having difficulties in your relationship Feel Better Psychology can help.  Call or email to discuss your options or to book an appointment.